Fan mail
IggyStooge.com receives lots of positive fan mail -- and occasionally some harsh words from some serious critics! Everyone deserves respect, as you can see from our thoughtful responses.
COMMENTS ON THE COMMITTEE
Q: Why don’t you identify your committee members? Because you don’t have one! You’re probably an unemployed 50-year-old with bitch titties, slurping on santorums and spreading duck butter on Wonder bread.
A: You get our vote for the angriest fan of IggyStooge.com! Be honest. Could one person come up with something as comprehensive as this? If you really want to know who we are, look us up in in the International Directory of Foundations. No hyperlink help for you!
Q: Your site has turned my perverted 16-year-old son into a perverted headbanger! Before, he was just a serial masturbator. Now he spends half him time listening to your crap. Thank you for sending him on a path to hell!
A: Although several IggyStooge.com committee members are committed masturbators, the site has not taken a position on this important subject and its possible connection to punk rock, headbanging, and damnation.
Q: Your “mathematician” is supposedly a Fields Medal winner. Well I have a B.S. in math and I know that there is no way someone like that would be involved with you losers. Furthermore, your alleged hot yoga instructor wouldn’t be working with you idiots either. She’d be making $10,000 a night as an escort! I’m calling your bluff.
A: People can’t have two passions? Our committee members have each put thousands of hours into developing this list.
Q: You and your committee is a joke and an embarrassment. You are loosers. What a waste of time.
A: Good grammar and spelling! For your information, our committee is composed of some brilliant minds and innovators. Our acupuncturist spent many years studying this ancient science. Our mathematician is a Fields Medal winner. Our hot yoga instructor has brought countless men to hot yoga studios. Even our unemployed musicians have college degrees in gender studies and animal psychology.
Q: Creating a “list” of anything is about as un-punk as you can get. Your fakers. Girly men.
A: “Your” wrong "to." We are six real men with large muscles and Nordic features. We curse and yell. Our female is the opposite of a butch dike. Did you not see her photo?
COMMENTS ON BANDS, SONGS, MORALITY
Q: GG Allin and Antiseen do not belong on this list – or any other list for that matter. I bet even Dee Snyder would ban these bands! I have contacted several government agencies and your Internet Service Provider about your website. It will be shut down unless you remove these offensive “artists.”
A: Topics like death can be upsetting. We’ve reviewed the lyrics of Die When You Die and see an aggressive approach to analyzing life and death. Nothing more! Antiseen’s “My God Can Beat Up Your God” simply expresses their view of a superior Christian god. If you like the idea of such a god, but don’t the “cock sucking” part of the lyrics, try Malcolm Tent’s version. He cleverly substitutes “Your god can munch on my sod” for “Your god can suck on my rod.” That’s much better for a Christian family sing-a-long!
Q: I heard about your site on Oprah. I may – may – listen to some of these songs. But I be darned if I will listen to anything with “hate” or “f***” in the title! Can’t these so-called “hardcore” bands write about love and use gentler words?
A: The committee was intrigued by your thoughtful suggestion and passed it on to a half dozen bands for feedback. The responses were swift, but not promising. One, for example, simply responded: “Fuck you, you fucking fuck.” This particular band sent a followup email with a clarification: “Sirs, that feedback was not aimed at the IggyStooge.com committee of distinguished punk rock scholars. We were referring to the fucking bitch who posed the question.”
Q: My band [REDACTED] is not on the list and should be. Maybe you haven’t reviewed [ALBUM REDACTED]? We would like to send you $500 to expedite the review process. Do you accept Paypal?
A: No, nor would we accept your cash. We are a well-funded punk rock foundation. FYI, we checked our database and our unemployed musicians and our male nurse have already reviewed your material. Other committee members are scheduled to begin the review process between October 2017 and January 2019. Stay tuned!
Q: The vast majority of punk rockers are skinny pale young white boys. The top hip hop bands are street-wise gangsta thugs. They’re the real punks, asswipe.
A: Maybe.
Q: There are no “faith-based” punk rock bands on your list. Why?
A: We know of none. We repeated tried to contact you for assistance, but seven emails went unanswered. We can only assume you are a troll. FYI, the committee finds it very difficult to get fired up about Christian songs of salvation, no matter how fast and aggressively they are sung. A few Christian rock songs touched on rapture –a more promising topic – but none came close to making the list.
MISCELLANEOUS COMMENTS
Q: Every song on this list sounds the same. Each is between 1:55 and 2:04 minutes long and begins “1 2 -- 1 2 3 4” and then “Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!” How stupid is that? Why don’t you call your list the “Bottom 1”?
A: Our mathematician is addressing the serious part of your question. As for every song sounding the same, we detect at least 19 variations, albeit subtle.
Q: I’m a wealthy female philanthropist who is concerned about the lack of all-female bands on the list (only L7). I’d like to create a fund to help up-and-coming female bands. Who do I contact?
A: Great news! Contact our hot yoga instructor. Please also be aware that the punk rock transgender and handicapped communities are totally unrepresented on the list.
Q: More evidence that your site is a fraud: Your home page "counter" hasn't changed in five days! "You are visitor 2379666." LOLOLOL. Idiots!
A: It freezes every time it rolls past another "666." Our webmaster Jesus ("hey zeus") is looking into it.
Q: You claim a maximum of 3 songs per band. Yet Keith Morris sings on 8 (3 with Black Flag, 3 with Circle Jerks, and 2 with Off!). Are you whores for Keith Morris?
A: Technically, no.
Q: Being on your list is great! Sales are up 200% over the prior year. Thank you IggyStooge.com!
A: You’re welcome. Consider yourselves among the very best musicians alive today.
COMMENTS ON THE COMMITTEE
Q: Why don’t you identify your committee members? Because you don’t have one! You’re probably an unemployed 50-year-old with bitch titties, slurping on santorums and spreading duck butter on Wonder bread.
A: You get our vote for the angriest fan of IggyStooge.com! Be honest. Could one person come up with something as comprehensive as this? If you really want to know who we are, look us up in in the International Directory of Foundations. No hyperlink help for you!
Q: Your site has turned my perverted 16-year-old son into a perverted headbanger! Before, he was just a serial masturbator. Now he spends half him time listening to your crap. Thank you for sending him on a path to hell!
A: Although several IggyStooge.com committee members are committed masturbators, the site has not taken a position on this important subject and its possible connection to punk rock, headbanging, and damnation.
Q: Your “mathematician” is supposedly a Fields Medal winner. Well I have a B.S. in math and I know that there is no way someone like that would be involved with you losers. Furthermore, your alleged hot yoga instructor wouldn’t be working with you idiots either. She’d be making $10,000 a night as an escort! I’m calling your bluff.
A: People can’t have two passions? Our committee members have each put thousands of hours into developing this list.
Q: You and your committee is a joke and an embarrassment. You are loosers. What a waste of time.
A: Good grammar and spelling! For your information, our committee is composed of some brilliant minds and innovators. Our acupuncturist spent many years studying this ancient science. Our mathematician is a Fields Medal winner. Our hot yoga instructor has brought countless men to hot yoga studios. Even our unemployed musicians have college degrees in gender studies and animal psychology.
Q: Creating a “list” of anything is about as un-punk as you can get. Your fakers. Girly men.
A: “Your” wrong "to." We are six real men with large muscles and Nordic features. We curse and yell. Our female is the opposite of a butch dike. Did you not see her photo?
COMMENTS ON BANDS, SONGS, MORALITY
Q: GG Allin and Antiseen do not belong on this list – or any other list for that matter. I bet even Dee Snyder would ban these bands! I have contacted several government agencies and your Internet Service Provider about your website. It will be shut down unless you remove these offensive “artists.”
A: Topics like death can be upsetting. We’ve reviewed the lyrics of Die When You Die and see an aggressive approach to analyzing life and death. Nothing more! Antiseen’s “My God Can Beat Up Your God” simply expresses their view of a superior Christian god. If you like the idea of such a god, but don’t the “cock sucking” part of the lyrics, try Malcolm Tent’s version. He cleverly substitutes “Your god can munch on my sod” for “Your god can suck on my rod.” That’s much better for a Christian family sing-a-long!
Q: I heard about your site on Oprah. I may – may – listen to some of these songs. But I be darned if I will listen to anything with “hate” or “f***” in the title! Can’t these so-called “hardcore” bands write about love and use gentler words?
A: The committee was intrigued by your thoughtful suggestion and passed it on to a half dozen bands for feedback. The responses were swift, but not promising. One, for example, simply responded: “Fuck you, you fucking fuck.” This particular band sent a followup email with a clarification: “Sirs, that feedback was not aimed at the IggyStooge.com committee of distinguished punk rock scholars. We were referring to the fucking bitch who posed the question.”
Q: My band [REDACTED] is not on the list and should be. Maybe you haven’t reviewed [ALBUM REDACTED]? We would like to send you $500 to expedite the review process. Do you accept Paypal?
A: No, nor would we accept your cash. We are a well-funded punk rock foundation. FYI, we checked our database and our unemployed musicians and our male nurse have already reviewed your material. Other committee members are scheduled to begin the review process between October 2017 and January 2019. Stay tuned!
Q: The vast majority of punk rockers are skinny pale young white boys. The top hip hop bands are street-wise gangsta thugs. They’re the real punks, asswipe.
A: Maybe.
Q: There are no “faith-based” punk rock bands on your list. Why?
A: We know of none. We repeated tried to contact you for assistance, but seven emails went unanswered. We can only assume you are a troll. FYI, the committee finds it very difficult to get fired up about Christian songs of salvation, no matter how fast and aggressively they are sung. A few Christian rock songs touched on rapture –a more promising topic – but none came close to making the list.
MISCELLANEOUS COMMENTS
Q: Every song on this list sounds the same. Each is between 1:55 and 2:04 minutes long and begins “1 2 -- 1 2 3 4” and then “Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!” How stupid is that? Why don’t you call your list the “Bottom 1”?
A: Our mathematician is addressing the serious part of your question. As for every song sounding the same, we detect at least 19 variations, albeit subtle.
Q: I’m a wealthy female philanthropist who is concerned about the lack of all-female bands on the list (only L7). I’d like to create a fund to help up-and-coming female bands. Who do I contact?
A: Great news! Contact our hot yoga instructor. Please also be aware that the punk rock transgender and handicapped communities are totally unrepresented on the list.
Q: More evidence that your site is a fraud: Your home page "counter" hasn't changed in five days! "You are visitor 2379666." LOLOLOL. Idiots!
A: It freezes every time it rolls past another "666." Our webmaster Jesus ("hey zeus") is looking into it.
Q: You claim a maximum of 3 songs per band. Yet Keith Morris sings on 8 (3 with Black Flag, 3 with Circle Jerks, and 2 with Off!). Are you whores for Keith Morris?
A: Technically, no.
Q: Being on your list is great! Sales are up 200% over the prior year. Thank you IggyStooge.com!
A: You’re welcome. Consider yourselves among the very best musicians alive today.